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November 29, 2005

blogging queerspawn: oddvitamins

Another queerspawn in the blogosphere....

Emily from Illinois blogs on

A sampling:

coming out, recoiling in
the goddamn pater familias

"That said, she has an 8 year old son. I am the child of a gay parent also. My father decided after several years of marriage and two children that he was gay. And I’ll be perfectly honest, it fucked me up. I was 20 years old when I found out, but it was still enough to send me into a state of shock so resonant I couldn’t keep my job or my sanity. I completely fell apart and I am still barely learning how to put my life back together."

November 28, 2005

Donor Sibling Registry

Last week the New York Times printed an article on children from donor finding each other through the web. The site is nothing new but publicity through the Times marks a new level of public awareness.

Through the site, Donor Sibling Registry, children of donors are able to list themselves and find their half-siblings. According to the site, there have been over 1,000 half-siblings connected so far.

Up until last week, I had only heard a few stories here and there of children and parents connecting over a shared donor. It makes sense that there is now a website to facilitate this communication.

What are your experiences with linking up half-siblings or with this particular site?

New York Times Article "Hello, I'm Your Sister. Our Father is Donor 150"
Donor Sibling Registry Site

You can use username: queerspawn and password: queerspawn to access the article.

November 18, 2005

"the most disturbing phrase yet"

How timely. Just a few days after the launch of a self-proclaimed conservative blogger, Daniel, proclaimed that he finds queerspawn "the most disturbing phrase yet."

He says it shouldn't be our badge of honor... too bad. Its a hell of a lot easier than "i'm the daughter of a gay dad and a striaght mom who split when i was 8." Queerspawn is just a tad snappier.

Thanks Noel... for finding this.

Marriage Misgivings

I've got marriage on the mind...

It feels like everyone does these days. Last weekend at Creating Change everyone was talking about marriage. This morning Noel shared his conflicted views on having a wedding with his wife. Lately, marriage seems to underscore every queer conversation.

As queerspawn, we engage with the marriage debate continuously for ourselves, our parents and our friends. While Noel and I personally identify differently (he=straight, me=dyke) it is not surprising that we share similar misgivings.

"I've always dreaded having a traditional wedding where one side of the aisle was filled with WASPS and/or Catholics and the other side is filled with all my faggot family — a sort of contemporary Montagues v. Capulets — and the imagined tension of having to explain, play pronoun rodeo, etc. "

Sadly, that feels like every wedding/major-family-function. Me, my gay brother and our ever-supportive Mom up against it all. If I ever do have a wedding, I'm plagued with the thought of the discomfort between my half-queer/half-Catholic family and my mythical partner's statistically probable straight family. I know it should be revolutionary, but most of the time that picture makes me nervous.

Of course there's way more to unpack in "marriage" and "weddings"... more to come.
Meanwhile, continue the discussion on Noel's site...

queerspawn definition .004

I think being a queerspawn (a word that makes me think of squid) means being part of a largely invisible culture by birth (i.e. like Jews without any established history or culture ... yet) — invisible, in many ways, to both straights and queers. And it's a culture and identity that still hasn't figured out what it means to itself. Our history is short. Queer culture has only recently become public. Up until Stonewall, gays, too, were invisible. We queerspawn of those Stonewall (and beyond) queers are in the very protean stages of figuring out if and how to deal with our many sexual and cultural identities and the fact that we can manipulate them, change in and out of them like clothes. I'd say it doesn't help that the gay community's struggle for equal rights has forced many of us queerspawn to show a black face of normalcy and contentedness for the struggle. It's implied that we're to demonstrate our assimilation so that we AND our parents can be seen as such. But I've come to see this "normal" face that I presented to the world for many years as a kind of self-hatred lite -- a caricature and deprecation of ourselves that should be shed post haste. There's also the issue of "pride" ("I'm proud of my gay parents"), which also often feels contrived and should be implied at this point. Even at 33, I still feel deeply conflicted and think often about what it means to have gay parents. But I do prize it. It's my fucking culture too, even if I don't always feel like I belong exactly.

-- Noel Black

November 17, 2005

queerspawn definition .003

Being Queerspawn means being part of a vibrant, dynamic community of diverse youth and adults who share the unique experience of having one or more LGBT parent. I feel like I am consitently learning from, being challenged by, and finding support from the queerspawn community. To me it doesnt matter that our experiences can be quite different and our narratives quite diverse- we do have this common bond. there is something that happens in queerspawn space and communities that is truly special, powerful and transformative.

-- Meredith Fenton

November 16, 2005

queerspawn definition .002

Queerspawn is an acknowledgement of everything that is unique about me, as a child of the queer community. Queerspawn says I don't have to be normal if I don't want to be. Queerspawn makes people wonder and raise their eyebrows. Queerspawn means my moms' are dykes, but for other queerspawn it means something different. Queerspawn is a big word with a lot of room in it for everyone in my family and everyone I love.

-- Jesse Carr

November 13, 2005

Oakland Tribune: Gay-rights struggles affect kids

This morning, at the close of the Creating Change conference, the local Oakland Tribune ran a story on queerspawn on the cover of the Metro section. It is telling that the only story about the conference in Sunday's paper was about kids of queers. We are becoming increasingly visible while the movment and "mainstream" focus on gay marriage as the issue.

Not particularly groundbreaking or well written, but nonetheless, exciting to get coverage:

"The queens get all the attention. The politicians grab all the headlines. But in the battle for gay rights, the children of lesbian, gay and transgender parents often pay the price."

And note the inclusion of transgender, that is not always included in the media. (Though they did drop off bisexuals.)

November 12, 2005

queerspawn definition .001

Queerspawn is me.

Queerspawn isn't my mom's lesbian identity, or my dad's gay identity. Queerspawn does not open up the box of other possible ways they could identify: it is raw enough to lift an eyebrow when heard by virgin ears, and true enough to elicit a smile from the same person a moment later.

Queerspawn is me. I am not alone. Queerspawn is us, and now my daughter.

-- Hope (Berry) Manley

November 11, 2005

queerspawn at creating change

This weekend NGLTF's Creating Change Conference returns to Oakland, California.

There are many queerspawn in attendance, as well as several workshops on kids of queer parents. Today, COLAGE participated in a workshop on the statewide measures that are attacking our families and held a session for "Queerspawn Speak Out." On Saturday, there will be a caucus for queerspawn and a screening of COLAGE's "In My Shoes: Stories of Youth with LGBT Parents."

More reports to come... and hopefully some pictures.

November 09, 2005

queerspawn on the radio...

"I thnk I might want to be straight..."

As part of the StoryCorps project, listen to queerspawn Kaitlyn Sever as interviewed by her mom, Lynne Lande.

For those in the San Francisco Bay Area, you can make a reservation to record your story at the MobileBooth which is in town until Nov 28. Alas, all of the slots are reserved. If anyone gets in to tell their story, please let us know.

More links...
Add your voice to the StoryCorps project
Follow the StoryCorps MobileBooth West
Follow the StoryCorps MobileBooth East

November 08, 2005

queerspawn in the blogosphere...

Since this new site is just rolling, it seems fitting to mention the other queerspawn who are blogging.

Be sure to check them out...
Noel's darksandal
Abigail's Families Like Mine

Who else is out there?

November 07, 2005

contribute to the .community

To kick off the launch of the new site we invite anyone who is interested to answer the question:

"What does it mean to be a queerspawn?"

Responses of 400 words or less can be submitted to Please include a short bio of yourself or request to be anonymous. There is no deadline to contribute; responses will be posted as they are submitted beginning Wednesday, November 9th.


Welcome to A new forum by, for and about kids of queers. And our friends. And our parents. Our kids. Our politics. Our opinions. Our events.

All of that and more.

We're still under some construction, so please be patient while we evolve and grow in the upcoming weeks.